He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
