Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
