i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Apparently you make a good broom.
I puked a lego.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
