how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When did angry sex become our thing?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
