Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
