he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
