the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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