I think I died a long time ago.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
