good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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