oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
