Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
