Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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