My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
