Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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