Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
