Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
