My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
