And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
