But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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