3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
