I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So gin and wine won't be happening again
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I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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