he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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