He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
