I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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