Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
