Me too!
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
