i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
