i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I want a musical about memes.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
