that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
