from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
