evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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