that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
