im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
