Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
