i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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