In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't deserve a penis
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
