I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
