Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
