Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
