i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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