I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
