So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize