cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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