his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
