This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
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I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
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Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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