I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
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He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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