I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
drinking out of a sandbucket again
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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