I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
