i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
