K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
