So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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