WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
