i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
