I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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