I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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