Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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