U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
