just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
