"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Someone came in the potted fern
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
