i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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