if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize