i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i drank out of a bidet.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
