my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
