Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
