Yo dont text me then not text me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
