i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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